Run a search on therapists in your area in one of the prominent online directories and you might be surprised to discover the sheer quantity of therapists who work in your area.
The choice can be overwhelming, even when just trying to decide which category of professional you’re looking for. I mean, should you opt for a counsellor, a psychotherapist, a psychotherapeutic counsellor, or a counselling psychologist?
And would you work better with someone psychodynamically-trained, or who has a cognitive-led approach, or even a specialist in Gestalt? Bewildering.
Personal connection with the therapist counts for much
The good news is that in any given area there will be a large number of people who would be able to help you. In Oxford, where I practice, I’ve worked with a bunch of other excellent therapist colleagues who I would not hesitate to recommend.
While there are, of course, differences between therapeutic modalities – and it’s important to find someone qualified and registered with one the professional bodies – fundamentally it is the personal connection (or lack thereof) with your chosen therapist that will make all the difference in therapy.
A long list of impressive-sounding qualifications can often be a good indicator that someone knows what they’re talking about, but it does not necessarily mean that they will be a good fit for you. This can be for a whole host of reasons: you might have some kind of personality clash, they might remind you of someone in your life who you don’t get on with, or their style of therapy might not work for you specifically.
For instance, the therapy that I provide generally follows whatever material you bring to the sessions, and a major focus for me is listening to and understanding your life and specific circumstances. When we come to look for ways through your challenges, we would do so collaboratively in ways that make sense from your individual view of the world. I do my best to be authentic, so that you feel that you're sat with another human being, and supportive to the material that you bring.
Other therapists, by contrast, might prioritise challenging their clients more than I typically do, or they might concentrate on teaching strategies for, say, managing anxiety (like thought labelling, breathing exercises etc). Still others might put greater emphasis on exploring how your experiences of early life have shaped you. All these approaches have something to offer, but you might find yourself much more drawn to one style over another.
Try a few therapists and see
When I’ve heard people talk about looking for a therapist, often people joke that they’re mainly selecting on the basis of the therapist’s photos or on just a line or two in their profile that speaks to them. To be honest, that really isn’t a bad starting point and is likely to be a better way to approach the task than focusing on the person’s preferred therapeutic modality.
If you’re searching for therapists on websites like Psychology Today or Counselling Directory, all of us listed on there are vetted to ensure that we are appropriately qualified and registered with the relevant professional and ethical bodies. So that’s that particular obstacle already overcome.
Beyond that, having a good initial feel about the therapist is obviously a good starting point when choosing who to work with. Many of us also offer a free introductory call of 15 minutes or so before committing to a first session. It’s well worth taking up this offer, and even speaking with a few different therapists, before deciding to go ahead with working with one.
Trust your instinct
Even having done all this, when you start to work with someone it might become clear after a few sessions that things do not quite gel. Something about the person, their appearance, tone of voice, something they said, their room or style might be preventing you from feeling supported.
When this emerges later on in therapy, it is really worth sticking with the therapy as it often reflects that something important is happening that can be worked through together with your therapist. However, if you’re not feeling like you’re a good fit with the therapist right from the beginning of your work together, you needn’t feel like you should persevere with that particular person.
For example, I once worked with a therapist on an online platform who began our work together by swigging from a can of energy drink throughout our session and doing an extremely good impression of someone without the slightest interest in my struggles. No amount of ‘working through’ could have brought us back from that so early on in the work.
Though it might be a financial hit – and a slight pain to have to explain your background to a new therapist – it is, in my view, so much better to find someone else with whom you can work better. At its best, the therapeutic relationship can be a great support in helping you to overcome your struggles and begin to feel better again. So it is, in my view, worth spending a little effort to find yourself a good one.
Given that this isn't always easy to find the right therapist, I'm happy to offer a free first session at my practice in Oxford so that we can see if we're a good fit for each other. If you'd like to book in a session, please contact me and let me know your general availability.
